Today I learned about a story from Ohio that has hit me hard. It is one that needs to be told and spread like wildfire.
On December 29, a young transgender woman named Leelah Alcorn took her own life by stepping out in front of a semi truck. She was born "Joshua Alcorn" and was only 17 years old. Leelah was bullied for years by her own parents who were extremely religious. Her parents sent her to Christian therapists who only added to Leelah's pain.
Before she took her own life, Leelah left a message on her Tumblr page. This message needs to be read by as many as possible.
SUICIDE NOTE
If you are reading this, it means that I have committed suicide and obviously failed to delete this post from my queue.
Please don’t be sad, it’s for the better. The life I would’ve lived
isn’t worth living in… because I’m transgender. I could go into detail
explaining why I feel that way, but this note is probably going to be
lengthy enough as it is. To put it simply, I feel like a girl trapped in
a boy’s body, and I’ve felt that way ever since I was 4. I never knew
there was a word for that feeling, nor was it possible for a boy to
become a girl, so I never told anyone and I just continued to do
traditionally “boyish” things to try to fit in.
When I was 14, I learned what transgender meant and cried of
happiness. After 10 years of confusion I finally understood who I was. I
immediately told my mom, and she reacted extremely negatively, telling
me that it was a phase, that I would never truly be a girl, that God
doesn’t make mistakes, that I am wrong. If you are reading this,
parents, please don’t tell this to your kids. Even if you are
Christian or are against transgender people don’t ever say that to
someone, especially your kid. That won’t do anything but make them hate
them self. That’s exactly what it did to me.
My mom started taking me to a therapist, but would only take me to
christian therapists, (who were all very biased) so I never actually got
the therapy I needed to cure me of my depression. I only got more
christians telling me that I was selfish and wrong and that I should
look to God for help.
When I was 16 I realized that my parents would never come around, and
that I would have to wait until I was 18 to start any sort of
transitioning treatment, which absolutely broke my heart. The longer you
wait, the harder it is to transition. I felt hopeless, that I was just
going to look like a man in drag for the rest of my life. On my 16th
birthday, when I didn’t receive consent from my parents to start
transitioning, I cried myself to sleep.
I formed a sort of a “fuck you” attitude towards my parents and came
out as gay at school, thinking that maybe if I eased into coming out as
trans it would be less of a shock. Although the reaction from my friends
was positive, my parents were pissed. They felt like I was attacking
their image, and that I was an embarrassment to them. They wanted me to
be their perfect little straight christian boy, and that’s obviously not
what I wanted.
So they took me out of public school, took away my laptop and phone,
and forbid me of getting on any sort of social media, completely
isolating me from my friends. This was probably the part of my life when
I was the most depressed, and I’m surprised I didn’t kill myself. I was
completely alone for 5 months. No friends, no support, no love. Just my
parent’s disappointment and the cruelty of loneliness.
At the end of the school year, my parents finally came around and
gave me my phone and let me back on social media. I was excited, I
finally had my friends back. They were extremely excited to see me and
talk to me, but only at first. Eventually they realized they didn’t
actually give a shit about me, and I felt even lonelier than I did
before. The only friends I thought I had only liked me because they saw
me five times a week.
After a summer of having almost no friends plus the weight of having
to think about college, save money for moving out, keep my grades up, go
to church each week and feel like shit because everyone there is
against everything I live for, I have decided I’ve had enough. I’m never
going to transition successfully, even when I move out. I’m never going
to be happy with the way I look or sound. I’m never going to have
enough friends to satisfy me. I’m never going to have enough love to
satisfy me. I’m never going to find a man who loves me. I’m never going
to be happy. Either I live the rest of my life as a lonely man who
wishes he were a woman or I live my life as a lonelier woman who hates
herself. There’s no winning. There’s no way out. I’m sad enough already,
I don’t need my life to get any worse. People say “it gets better” but
that isn’t true in my case. It gets worse. Each day I get worse.
That’s the gist of it, that’s why I feel like killing myself. Sorry
if that’s not a good enough reason for you, it’s good enough for me. As
for my will, I want 100% of the things that I legally own to be sold and
the money (plus my money in the bank) to be given to trans civil rights
movements and support groups, I don’t give a shit which one. The only
way I will rest in peace is if one day transgender people aren’t treated
the way I was, they’re treated like humans, with valid feelings and
human rights. Gender needs to be taught about in schools, the earlier
the better. My death needs to mean something. My death needs to be
counted in the number of transgender people who commit suicide this
year. I want someone to look at that number and say “that’s fucked up”
and fix it. Fix society. Please.
Goodbye,
(Leelah) Josh Alcorn
This whole story breaks my heart and enrages me at the same time. Parents are supposed to support and love their children no matter what! From the moment they are put into your care, you should be there for them. Who cares if later in life they realize their gender isn't the one they were born with!? They are still your CHILD.
As a community, it's stories like this that show just how much we've been letting the transgender community down. Transgender persons, especially youth, need to know there is support and help out there for them. If you do nothing else, remember Leelah Alcorn and how her suicide was completely preventable if only she'd had the love and support she deserved.
From looking through her Tumblr page, I've learned Leelah was a great artist with a spit fire personality. She is someone I wish I could've met in this life. She will never get to grow up and become the amazing woman I'm certain she would've been, even more so then she already was, but there are others like her who can still be helped, still be saved.
There are countless stories like Leelah's that occur every year, yet most of the time they never make the news much less get spread all over. Leelah's story is beginning to show up all over the internet, especially the site Tumblr.
In her note, Leelah begs us to fix society. It's time we do just that. The time to spread transgender support and help educate others on being transgender is now. Let's start remembering the T in LGBT.
Below are links to Leelah's Tumblr page as well as a news article that was written about her suicide.
http://lazerprincess.tumblr.com/
http://www.patheos.com/blogs/progressivesecularhumanist/2014/12/transgender-teen-commits-suicide-cites-christian-parents-in-blog/
Recently, the first transgender suicide hotline run completely by transgender persons was created for the US and Canada.
You can reach Trans Life at 877-565-8860 (US) and 877-330-6366 (Canda).
